The Pathological Readers Holiday Gift Guide: Books for Kiddos Ages 0 - 5

Jenny and I are so excited to kick off our Holiday Gift Guide series today! Our gift guides will mainly stick to book recommendations (since this is a book blog after all) broken up by age group. To sweeten the deal, we've asked a few of our friends to step in and guest post for us as we recognize we aren't the experts on every age group. So first up, we have our friend, Stephanie, talking about five books she recommends for kiddos ages 0 to 5. As you will see, not only is Stephanie an awesome mom to her two adorable girls, but she is quite hilarious and will have you cracking up by the end of this post! So take it away, Steph!

Disclaimer: The opinion that I am about to express in this blog post may not represent the views of the blog owners.

And it 100-percent, without a doubt, does not represent the views of over 15 million [completely deranged] people who have bought the children’s book, Love You Forever.

Because I am here to say, I hate (yes, hate) that book.

We teach our 2-year-old daughter, Shiloh, that we should never use the word “hate” but we really need to revise that rule and add a clause:

Hate is not an acceptable word*

*except in reference to creepy children’s books where the mom CRAWLS INTO her GROWN SON’S BEDROOM WINDOW at NIGHT and ROCKS him like a BABY.

[Pause for a second. Let that sink in. 15 million people are rabid over a book where a grown man’s mama breaks in his house to cuddle him.]

If you look up lists of books that every parent should read to their child, this beaut is almost always at the top.

Listen to some of the ravingly positive reviews of this book:

• “I dare any mother out there. . .to read this story and not have a lump in your throat” (source)

Yeah, I felt a lump in my throat when I read it, but it was a lump of fear at the thought of waking up in the middle of the night in the leathery embrace of a bluehair.

• “I dare anyone to read this story and not shed at least one tear.” (Forbes Magazine)

Oh, I cried all right. And rocked myself to sleep, thank you very much. My mama did not climb in my window to comfort me. I am in my thirties. I can self-soothe by now.

• “It makes me appreciate even more how my mother still calls me and my brother (despite us being 32- and 22-years-old, respectively) by our childhood nicknames, Pussycat and Tchotchke” (Dana Lenetz, Forbes)

Uh, what? Those names are even too weird for little kids.

Gosh, I hate* that book.

Why am I telling you this?

Partially because this is the Internet, suckas, and on the Internet people can say whatever they want. Oh, yeah, I feel powerful hiding behind a computer screen, spewing my venomous hate all over the worldwide web.

But mainly because I don't want anyone else to waste their hard-earned $5.95 on this creepiness.

However, this psychotic rant is not what the Pathological Readers asked me to share with you, so I will rein in my disdain. I was asked to write about books that I would recommend for little ones. So, I recruited little Shiloh to help me present to you a few of our family favorites:

1. The Book with No Pictures by BJ Novak (AKA the Temp from The Office)

My thoughts: If the author is correct when he refers to this book as a “gateway drug to literature”, then my 2-year-old is a certified junkie. She can’t get enough of it. And honestly, her parents can’t either. The rule of the book is that the reader HAS to say everything that is written, no matter how silly. And it is definitely silly. Just watch how kids eat it up like a big bag of crack rock:

Shiloh’s thoughts: “Blork: that’s not very nice word. I want some more No Pictures book. I want some more No Pictures book. I want some more No Pictures book….”

Buy: The Book With No Pictures by B.J. Novak

2. A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza

My thoughts: Sweet, sweet, sweetness. I don’t want to spoil the plot for you, but this is a beautiful age-appropriate explanation of loneliness, longing for family, adoption, empathy and acceptance. I love this book so much that I buy it for people all of the time. If you don’t know me, please buy a copy. If you do know me, please don’t buy a copy because if you start a family and already own this book, then I will have no idea what to give you at your baby shower.

Shiloh’s thoughts: Very tenderly, “Aw Choco has no mama. Bless his heart.”

Buy: A Mother For Choco by Keiko Kasza

3. The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones

My thoughts: It is weird to even place this book in the traditional Children’s Bible genre, because it is so different. Rather than telling isolated stories and slapping a moral lesson to them, Sally Lloyd-Jones uses Scripture to weave together the entire story of redemption. The illustrations are beyond beautiful, and there is also an advent reading guide that is phenomenal. One of my best friends did not grow up in church and she reads this to her kids every night and through it she said she has learned more about God and the Bible than ever before. (If you already have The Jesus Storybook Bible, go ahead and get Song of the Stars, a Christmas story by Sally Lloyd-Jones and that is equally as wonderful.)

Shiloh’s thoughts: [That book is about] “Jesus. He eats grilled chicken and fruit salad.”

Buy: The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones

4. I Love You, Stinky Face by Lisa McCourt

My thoughts: The title alone should be enough to convince you that this book will make you smile and will make your little one giggle. Their giggling will result in more parental smiling. (It is a beautiful cycle.) Basically a little boy repeatedly asks his mama if she would love him . . . if he were a slimy swamp creature . . . if he smelled so bad that everyone called him stinky face. . . and so on. Her responses, oozing with unconditional love and wit, will melt your heart. (That sounds so cheesy, I know, but thinking about these precious books is making me sappy. This blog post is turning into a roller coaster of emotions.)

Shiloh’s thoughts: “Candles. Shoo-wee tinky face [stinky face]. Sandwich! Let me show you my sandwich, Mama!” [She leaves the room and returns with - I kid you not - a McDonald’s hamburger from who-knows-where from who-knows-how-long ago and starts chowing down. We continue our discussion.] “Bon Apetit, I say that word.” “So what is Stinky Face about?”, I ask her again, trying to get back on track. “A mama . . . and a girl . . .and toys. Yeah, toys.” [FYI, this book has nothing to do with toys.]

Buy: I Love You, Stinky Face by Lisa McCourt

5. It’s Time to Sleep My Love by Nancy Tillman and Eric Metaxas

 

My thoughts: This book was given to us by a precious lady when I was pregnant, and she told us that although it is a children’s book, she personally has received so much comfort from it while battling depression and anxiety. After reading it just one time, I completely understood. This lyrical, beautifully illustrated book, is like a lullaby set to prose. It is calming and peaceful, uplifting and althogether lovely. And the melodic cadence definitely causes some major drowsiness, which as any parent knows is ALWAYS a good thing.

Shiloh’s thoughts: Apparently she associates this book with bedtime because all she said was, “No read this book. No sleep. I want some more No Pictures book, Mama”

Buy: It's Time To Sleep, My Love by Nancy Tillman

_______________________________

There are so many more books that we would could share about, but I need to wrap it up so that I am not late for my weekly Love You Forever book-burning.